Family under Fire

   There has been a great deal of commotion over the past several years regarding several significant moral issues in this nation. The debates have raged long and hard, and have been at the focus of media attention, especially recently. While some of them are important battles to be fought, I fear that all the commotion regarding some of these moral issues in regards to the family are distracting from another, much bigger problem.

   It is easy to name several  significant problems in the world, especially ones that are damaging to the family, but I believe that it is easy to forget one of the greatest threats to our families. Regardless of attempts to legislate morality, those who do not know God will continue to follow their sinful hearts wherever it leads. Man, left to his own ends, is a totally depraved creature. Thus, we see these numerous moral issues becoming even more prominent as the years go by. But,  there is one central issue that is frequently ignored or glossed over, even among many who call themselves Christians. That issue is divorce.

   I believe because the Church has been largely silent about divorce, despite the fact the the divorce rates are about the same in the church as they are out (around 50%), the world does not take us seriously when we speak out about other moral issues, such as homosexuality. We speak out against homosexuality because of the damaging effects it can have on families and because it is a sin, exactly opposite of God's plan for a marriage.  These things are certainly true, but by our actions regarding divorce, we show in effect that marriage is not as sacred and special as we may say it is. Thus, the world will not take us seriously because we are speaking on an issue we don't seem to believe or practice in our churches - namely that marriage is a sacred covenant.


   This casual attitude regarding divorce is having negative ramifications here in this country, and in most of the West. Divorce destroys more families than any other significant issue, even though those issues have created a much bigger stir in the media and in our churches.  Several studies have been done in America regarding divorce, and the results are startling.

   First of all, it is clear that this trend is getting worse, and further it impacts several generations. Brian Orchard from Vision.Org, notes this on the current trends, "Over the last 40 years an increased acceptance of divorce has produced profound changes in our attitudes about marriage and family. . . During the 1970s, the divorce rate doubled as young folks' attitudes on fidelity, chastity and commitment became very different from those of their parents. The change created less of an incentive to work out marital difficulties." (Orchard, "Culture of Divorce", http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/familylife/culture-divorce.htm) .


   Because of this, the social and moral atmosphere in the West has become increasingly more hostile to the family unit. There is a lack of definite family structure. Fewer couples marry. Cohabitation, an unstable arrangement, is common. Orchard, writing at Vision.org, notes, “Adults, in their eagerness to reduce difficult situations for themselves, convinced themselves that... divorce is a temporary crisis... and that with time children would adjust if the parents “worked things out” amicably. Both suppositions, however, are being seriously challenged today.” (Orchard, "“Family and Relationships: A Culture of Divorce”. Vision.org. http://www.vision.org/visionmedia/article.aspx?id=472)


   One of those suppositions that have been seriously challenged is that divorce is only between two people, that the effects stop with the two who go through this process. This, however, is not the case. Divorce has major impacts on the children who are caught in these broken relationships, and the data is clear: these impacts are destroying their lives. Patrick Fagan and Robert Rector note this at The Heritage Foundation, "Each year, over 1 million American children suffer the divorce of their parents; moreover, half of the children born this year to parents who are married will see their parents divorce before they turn 18. Mounting evidence in social science journals demonstrates that the devastating physical, emotional, and financial effects that divorce is having on these children will last well into adulthood and affect future generations." (Fagan and Rector, "The Effects of Divorce in America", http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2000/06/the-effects-of-divorce-on-america)


   Another article put out by the same organization notes this on the effects divorce has on the children:  "Children of divorced parents are far more likely than children of stable, two-parent families to live in poverty, have health problems, and become victims of abuse and neglect. They also have higher dropout rates, initiate sexual activity at an earlier age, commit more crimes, and have higher rates of drug and alcohol addiction." (Heritage Foundation, http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2000/06/new-study-details-harmful-effects-of-divorce-on-american-society) Another, more recent study by the Marriage and Religion Research Institute published last year (2012) by Fagan and Aaron Churchill notes on the various ways divorce undermines not only the family but the culture at large. It has profoundly negative impacts on the family, on faith, on education, government, personal health, and economics. The full study can be found here: http://marri.us/effects-divorce-children.


   Now that we have a better understanding of just how destructive this trend has been, I believe we need to also look at what scripture has to say about marriage and divorce. By looking at God's word, we can be reminded of His purpose for marriage.


   Marriage was intended to be a sacred, life long covenant. Jesus makes this clear when He answered the Pharisees regarding marriage and divorce in Matthew 19. "“Haven’t you read,” He replied, “that He who created them in the beginning made them male and female,” 5 and He also said:“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate.”" (Matthew 19:4-6, HCSB)

    The command in the passage is clear. Since God has joined these two people together, man must not separate that union. "No human being should think that he or she has the moral right, unilaterally to dissolve the covenant. The covenant cannot be dissolved without challenging the One who insures the covenant: God himself" (William Luck, “The Teaching of Jesus on Divorce — (Matthew 19:3-12, Mark 10:2-12)” Bible.org. http://bible.org/article/teaching-jesus-divorce-%E2%80%94-matthew-193-12-mark-102-12) 


   Elsewhere in scripture, we find more that confirms this high view of the marriage covenant. Hebrews 13:4 relates that marriage is sacred, and should be kept as sacred by all. It is an intentional covenant, for life. Furthermore, as explained in Ephesians 5, it is a picture of Christ and the Church. It is supposed to be a special, permanent covenant that reflects Christ's love for His church.  Marriage is a very special, sacred covenant, a fact that Scripture attests to over and over again.


   Scripture also has commands and teachings regarding divorce. Simply put, it should not be an option. While there are very few instances given where divorce is permissible, the message is clear. Divorce is not God's intent for marriage. In Matthew 19:9, Jesus says, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (NIV). These remarks appear several other times in the other synoptic Gospels. The passage is clear: divorce is akin to adultery. Luck notes on this regarding the whole passage within Matthew 19, “Nonetheless, there was within Jesus’ words a rather shocking implication. Jesus was saying that the man who took advantage of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 and put away his wife was really guilty of the sin of adultery—though sexuality was not involved.” (Luck, Bible.org)

   It must be remembered that while there are allowances, they exist to protect, and are not meant to be used as an excuse. Amy Desai notes, “divorce is not required. If your spouse has committed adultery, divorce is morally allowed, but not required. Many couples have been able to rebuild their marriages even after such a devastating blow.”( Desai.  “How Should a Christian View Marriage and Divorce?” Focus on the Family. http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce_and_infidelity/should_i_get_a_divorce). This is a crucial point. While divorce in a few cases is permissible, it is not recommended by Scripture.

   If that is not clear enough, in Malachi 2:16, God shares his personal feelings regarding divorce: “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,” says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." (NKJV) God may allow rare occasions of divorce, “because your hearts were hard.” (Matthew 19:8b, NIV), but He hates it. Divorce defaces God's good creation - the union between man and wife.

   Unfortunately, I fear that this is a blind spot in many of our churches today, despite these very clear passages regarding divorce. It should not be tolerable that the divorce rate among those who call themselves "Christians" is the same as those in the world! (Though that could be indicative of the fact that many who go to church are not Christians; that is, followers of Christ) The fact that this destructive monster is rampaging through our churches just as much as it is in the world should cause us to pause, and repent. Divorce should not be an option. It is far too costly, and mars the picture that God has created in the marriage covenant.

   Marriage is meant to be a picture of Christ and the Church. It is a covenant that God established. The Church must remember these things and remind the culture of God's intentions for marriage and the family. We should be just as vigorous, if not more so, in confronting the divorce problem in America as we are about confronting the homosexuality problem or other moral issues like it. Only through Christ's power can internal changes take place in people's hearts, which is much more effective at solving the divorce epidemic in America. Furthermore, we need to be just as vigorous confronting this issue in our churches and proclaiming it to others. We need to set the example of what true marriage looks like.  We need to make it clear in our churches that Marriage is a special covenant relationship ordained by God that is intended for forever. God intends marriage to last for a lifetime.

   This is why we need to be willing to do whatever it takes to make our marriages survive and thrive. We can not take this union for granted, or just simply tear this covenant apart on a whim. Marriage certainly can be hard, but it is worth it. However, we do not have the strength to make it work on our own. It is only through Christ's strength, His grace, as I discussed recently, that we can hold on and make our marriages strong. But, when we do, it is worth every bit of toil. Marriage was not meant to end abruptly in divorce, but to showcase to the world what true love looks like in the picture of Christ and His church.