The Christian Marriage (1 Peter 3:1-7)

" In the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the Christian message,they may be won over without a message by the way their wives live 2 when they observe your pure, reverent lives." (1 Peter 3:1-2, HCSB)

"In the same way..." refers back to the previous section in chapter 2: servants submitting to their masters and following Christ's example in suffering, living for righteousness, being dead to sin. The main concept to which Peter is referring back to is the idea of submission to authority. In the same way that servants are to submit, and the same way we submit to Christ as we follow His steps, so are wives to submit to their husbands.  

The original Greek word, hypotassō, is the same word as used back in chapter 2, which we have studied here. This means that the same ideas are implied here and the same concepts relevant to this discussion. 

Further, Peter commands wives to submit, even if their husbands are disobedient to the message. From the original Greek, this phrase seems to imply that the husband is not saved. If a husband is not a Christian, the Christian wife is not excused from her duty to submit. In fact, her life and her conduct should be pure and reverent so that her husband may be won over (literally, "to gain") to Christ. The purpose of this command is not to shackle the woman, but to enable her to be the best witness possible to her husband.

(To be clear, a wife is responsible first to God, above her husband. I am NOT advocating that a wife, in seeking to be submissive, does something that goes against God's commands out of submission to her husband)

 Actions DO speak louder than words, and by loving her husband by submitting to him, and by living a pure (set apart) and reverent life, he can see a picture of Christ and Christ's love for him, and so be won over. Peter seems to emphasis that the best way to lead your husband to Christ (And I would believe this works the other way as well), is not to nag or preach at him, but to live out the Christian life as it is meant to be lived. When he asks, always be ready to give the reason why you are different, but your lifestyle should preach much more strongly than your words. The wife's actions should cause the husband to seek out what makes her different. 

" Your beauty should not consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold ornaments or fine clothes.4 Instead, it should consist of what is inside the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God’s eyes." (1 Peter 3:3-4, HCSB). 

This passage makes it clear that a Christian woman's beauty is not primarily found in her physical appearance. While Peter does not necessarily condemn the use of hairstyles, jewelry or fancy clothes, he is very clear that focusing primarily on your outer, physical beauty shows misplaced priorities, and leads to vanity.

Paul, when he wrote to Timothy, further explains this: " Also, the women are to dress themselves in modest clothing,with decency and good sense, not with elaborate hairstyles, gold, pearls, or expensive apparel, 10 but with good works, as is proper for women who affirm that they worship God." (1 Timothy 2:9-10, HCSB). 

The biggest issue here is the inner woman. Beauty will perish with time, but the inner beauty that Peter and Paul describes has an imperishable quality. Peter describes it as a gentle and quiet spirit- describing one who is submissive and reverent.

"For in the past, the holy women who put their hope in God also beautified themselves in this way, submitting to their own husbands, 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children when you do what is good and are not frightened by anything alarming." (1 Peter 3:5-6, HCSB). 

Peter than makes a case from Biblical history to support this command. Those women who where pious, holy, and reverent were beautiful because they lived in this way. The women we look up to the most in scripture, those holy women such as Sarah, Ruth, Esther, Mary, were beautiful before God not on account of any physical beauty they may have possessed but because of their inner attitude. They had the gentle, quiet spirit of submission. They were submissive, first to God and His commands, and then to her husband. 

Sarah is lifted up as an example of this. Peter notes that she obeyed Abraham, literally meaning she subordinated herself to his leadership. By submitting to Abraham, she was living out the role she was designed for- to be his helpmate. By living likewise, wives become her spiritual children.

Further, Peter makes an interesting command at the end of verse 6: "You have become her children when you... are not frightened by anything alarming". We all, by nature tend to be worriers. We worry about each other's safety, or what what tomorrow will bring. This brings to mind the commands from Jesus in Matthew 6:25-34, where He commands us not to worry. We cannot even add one day or moment to our life by worrying. In essence, this is what Peter is getting at here, particularly in his discussion with wives. Worry and anxiety are not helpful. Being controlled by fear detracts from a woman's spiritual beauty. 

" Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." (1 Peter 3:7, HCSB).

Peter than turns his attention the husbands. This section, while noticeably shorter, is no less important. Husbands are to live (literally to reside together as a family) with their wives in an understanding way -not getting frustrated with them, or treating them roughly, or inappropriately. Also implied in the language is the idea of understanding your wife- knowing what makes her tick, and appreciating her strengths and personality. While the word "love" is not used here, in essence, this is what Peter is commanding husbands to do. Being considerate of her, treating her gently and with honor, knowing her intimately- these are all aspects of how a husband should love his wife, as he is commanded elsewhere in scripture. 


Men are also commanded to show their wives honor as the weaker vessel. A woman, by nature and design, is more fragile and delicate than the man. This is not a put-down to the woman but a recognition of her delicate beauty. Husbands have a mandate to carefully treasure their wives, to honor them, and love on them in a way that is gentle. Loving your wife needs to be done in a gentle way. 

Further, this does not mean that a woman is inferior to a man. Peter notes that they are heirs with us to the grace of life. Some translations put it as "co-heirs". The original Greek word, "sugklēronomos" can translate as "a fellow heir" or a "joint participant". This implies that we have an equal participation and standing in the grace that is given to us. It is equally there for her as it is for him. Therefore, since wives are an equal heir with their husbands, wives deserve to be treated gently and with honor, treating them like the valuable, delicate treasure that they are.

This harmony in the Christian marriage is vitally important. Not just for the marriage itself but for the husband and wife's ministry as well. By treating each other with respect and honor, with the wife submitting to her husband's leadership, and with the husband treating his wife with gentleness and honor, together, they can be harmonious force. Prayer is powerful, both to change us and change others. It is a vital part of our Christian lives, and it is hindered when the husband is not leading his family correctly. While both the husband and the wive have an equal responsibility to each other, the husband is ultimately responsible. If he is not treating his wife like the delicate treasure she is, and is not valuing her, than his prayers are hindered, as are their prayers together.

Further, this passage complements Ephesians 5:22-33 and contains many of the same themes. Taken together, it is clear just how important marriage is, and the importance of harmony in the marriage. When the wife is fulfilling her duty to her husband and the husband is fulfilling his duty to his wife, they together can be a powerful team to be used for God's purposes, showcasing a picture of Christ and the Church, and being an effective team praying for God's will to be done. The Christian marriage is meant to thrive, bringing its participants together, and closer to God.